I am reading Melon's 316-page "Conquer Your Fear of Water" swim manual to prepare for my novice swim class in Orlando, FL (of all places). One of the prep exercises involves writing a letter to Water, to dish out my "feelings" towards it, to have a "dialogue". The samples from previous students were impressively honest, elaborate and sincere, compelling me to sit down for some romantic soul searching. Sorry if the following confession gives you the goose bumps.
Dear Water,
After running away from you for the past nine years I have once again summoned the courage to face you and give our relationship another chance.
Our on-and-off affair has been tumultuous and painful for me, both physically and emotionally. All the gut bleaching and water in the nose was living hell. I felt humiliated and remain emotionally scarred. I doubt if you understand how I have suffered, because our relationship has been so imbalanced – you have had all the power from the very beginning, and I could only go along with your rules. It is choking.
I wanted to trust you and get close to you. Deep down I have always felt that you are The One I have been looking for all my life. Tennis is attractive and captivating, but he could be demanding. Skiing and I had a passionate affair, but we tragically grew apart due to distance. Hiking is elegant and easy-going but we never had real chemistry. I have been with Bikram Yoga for over ten years now. It is a convenient and comfortable but half-hearted relationship, kept alive by necessity (good health), and not unlike flossing / brushing my teeth – done out of habit rather than motivated by feelings.
Trust and love take time to develop, and I hadn’t had this luxury. There were too many distractions between us and too much pressure to hurry. When I was seven my dad said he would support me if I let go of my float, but in five seconds he dropped me. Kevin, my swim coach in college, wanted me to tread across the pool in the first class. I knew I wouldn’t make it but courageously tried, creating a memorable spectacle for everyone. Later I traveled around the world to try approaching you, to start our relationship anew, but time and again those instructors who were supposed to teach me to love you only pulled me away from you.
Yet over all these years I have never forgotten you. I feel incomplete without you, especially because I am a fish. I think of you from time to time, imagining how wonderful it would be to be enveloped by you, to be totally at ease with you, to let you sooth and cradle my back and neck, sore from too much surfing (virtual, of course).
So I am buying us the luxury of time via a full week of swim camp to the tune of $2,500, to give our relationship a fresh chance. Money can't buy you love, but it can buy us time to nurture it.
Yours,
Minnow
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Tenth anniversary/ still on cable TV
Ten years ago I was trying to root myself in the U.S.
Ten years later I am debating whether I should move away from this country, perhaps return home, because of my antipathy towards cable TV.
These are my profound reflections on the tenth anniversary of Hong Kong's handover.
Ten years later I am debating whether I should move away from this country, perhaps return home, because of my antipathy towards cable TV.
These are my profound reflections on the tenth anniversary of Hong Kong's handover.
Outerspace, UFC, and Cable TV (2) – Space Fish
Recently I learned of the phenomenon called the UFC, or the Ultimate Fighting Championship for those not familiar with Americana (that includes Minnow).
It is a sport involving MMA, or Mixed Martial Arts (acronyms should be BANNED), and is rapidly replacing boxing as one of the most watched combat sports in the U.S. I only heard of it a week ago because – surprise, surprise – I don't have cable TV. A colorful character/foul-mouthed brainiac I met last Friday was the first to educate me about it. He is actually training to participate in this sport.
A few days ago I casually asked the alphas at work after a meeting. “Do you watch the UFC?”
"Sure!” They replied in sync. “Why?”
"Oh, no reason. I didn't know about it until recently, and I happen to know someone who is training for that.”
Suddenly, the dozen alphas around the table leaned forward, their eyes lit up. It was as if twelve disciples wanted Jesus to dole out his divine secret.
"What? Are you serious? Who is it? What's his name?”
At that moment I realized I have been living in outerspace, out of touch with the mass, because I do not have cable. That makes Minnow a Space Cadet, or Space Fish.
Either I should move away from the U.S. or get cable. I wrote Foul-Mouthed Brainiac afterwards.
Get cable. He wrote back. There are some shows that are better than 90% of the fiction out there.
Perhaps Minnow should dive deeper to avoid all fish.
It is a sport involving MMA, or Mixed Martial Arts (acronyms should be BANNED), and is rapidly replacing boxing as one of the most watched combat sports in the U.S. I only heard of it a week ago because – surprise, surprise – I don't have cable TV. A colorful character/foul-mouthed brainiac I met last Friday was the first to educate me about it. He is actually training to participate in this sport.
A few days ago I casually asked the alphas at work after a meeting. “Do you watch the UFC?”
"Sure!” They replied in sync. “Why?”
"Oh, no reason. I didn't know about it until recently, and I happen to know someone who is training for that.”
Suddenly, the dozen alphas around the table leaned forward, their eyes lit up. It was as if twelve disciples wanted Jesus to dole out his divine secret.
"What? Are you serious? Who is it? What's his name?”
At that moment I realized I have been living in outerspace, out of touch with the mass, because I do not have cable. That makes Minnow a Space Cadet, or Space Fish.
Either I should move away from the U.S. or get cable. I wrote Foul-Mouthed Brainiac afterwards.
Get cable. He wrote back. There are some shows that are better than 90% of the fiction out there.
Perhaps Minnow should dive deeper to avoid all fish.
Outerspace, UFC, and cable TV (1)
I blame everything on cable TV.
"Tony" grew up in New Jersey and works in Manhattan. This college educated young man asked me before flying down to Brazil, “Do I really need to bring reais? Don’t they all want U.S. dollars?”
"Mary" is in her forties, grew up just outside NYC, and travels periodically to see her family in Italy, Ukraine, and Argentina. Recently I overheard her advice to a traveler to Hong Kong. “Walk around the city, shop, and get some sushi.” I didn't realize she has thought of me as Japanese all these years.
I can go on with more examples and variations. The common link among these people is that they all dutifully watch cable TV every night. Their world and their existence is defined by channel package subscriptions, shaped by the programs they choose, and reinforced by TiVo. Fortunately for the likes of Rupert Murdoch, there is money aplenty to be made. Unfortunately for mankind, human knowledge now evolves around discourse over the finale of "Sopranos".
Yes, I believe the average person watches too much cable TV. I blame cable TV for human ignorance, cultural apathy, and endemic diabetes (not the genetic type). Healthy folks like me will eventually get taxed more to pay for viewers' self-inflicted agony.
It's time to turn off cable TV.
"Tony" grew up in New Jersey and works in Manhattan. This college educated young man asked me before flying down to Brazil, “Do I really need to bring reais? Don’t they all want U.S. dollars?”
"Mary" is in her forties, grew up just outside NYC, and travels periodically to see her family in Italy, Ukraine, and Argentina. Recently I overheard her advice to a traveler to Hong Kong. “Walk around the city, shop, and get some sushi.” I didn't realize she has thought of me as Japanese all these years.
I can go on with more examples and variations. The common link among these people is that they all dutifully watch cable TV every night. Their world and their existence is defined by channel package subscriptions, shaped by the programs they choose, and reinforced by TiVo. Fortunately for the likes of Rupert Murdoch, there is money aplenty to be made. Unfortunately for mankind, human knowledge now evolves around discourse over the finale of "Sopranos".
Yes, I believe the average person watches too much cable TV. I blame cable TV for human ignorance, cultural apathy, and endemic diabetes (not the genetic type). Healthy folks like me will eventually get taxed more to pay for viewers' self-inflicted agony.
It's time to turn off cable TV.
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